Imagine this situation: you're at your workplace and your boss politely asks you to do something for him. Afterwards, while analyzing the results, he comes to your desk and starts calling your attention to the problems found in the task he asked you to do.
Embarrassed, you request to go to his office to better explain and calmly discuss what happened, but it's no use; he doesn't care and continues to put on a show in front of everyone to show who's in charge.
Hours later, he comes back and talks to you as if nothing happened and even makes a joke to break the ice. You just smile and continue working!
This is a typical situation that occurs in different work environments, but often understood as "normal facts" in the relationship between employer and employee.
What are abusive relationships?
Abusive relationships are those in which one person believes they have power over another, and this is not limited to romantic relationships, but also occurs in family, friendships, and the workplace. These actions start subtly and escalate to verbal attacks, defamation, discouragement, humiliation, and may even end in physical violence.
Women, in general, are the ones who suffer most from this type of violence and over time, may come to believe that what is happening is normal.
Psychiatrist Ana Beatriz Barbosa said in an interview with Mentes em Pauta that wherever there are close relationships, that is, a more intense coexistence, there is the possibility of abusive relationships.
"The abuser is generally someone who, in a machiavellian way, makes the other person feel like nothing. So sometimes they never hit, never said anything aggressive in public or cursed, but they slowly denigrate the other person".
Ana also adds that abusers are not the same. "There are abusers who literally reproduce the education they had and do it without realizing the dimension of the harm they are causing, but there are others who know what they are doing and take pleasure in using and subjugating," she says.
How to get out of an abusive relationship
Our antennas need to be up in any situation. Having friends, for example, is important for a healthier life, but sometimes it's better to avoid certain friendships, especially those that come with compliments followed by criticism.
Feeling that your freedom is being restricted by someone is a matter of toxicity. Dependence is something to watch out for: toxic people like to know that they dominate others.
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Also, be aware of:
Friends or relatives who make drama about everything;
People who make you feel guilty;
Liars: no matter how much of a friend they are, lies are never valid in relationships that aim for the well-being of the other;
Pay attention to people who love to compete with you;
Don't give intimacy to someone who discreetly wants to humiliate you in public or make you feel ashamed;
Don't let others try to change your way of being, dressing, or behaving;
Don't let others control your opinion;
Understand that many criticisms are not always constructive; some people simply want to diminish your ability to succeed;
Observe if the person is narcissistic;
Stay away from authoritarian, arrogant, and aggressive people.
If you are in an abusive relationship, it can be difficult to leave. However, it is important to know that there is help available and there are steps you can take to get out of the situation.
Firstly, it's important to recognize the signs of abuse, whether it's emotional, verbal, physical, or sexual. If you feel that you are being controlled, manipulated, or harmed by your partner or anyone else, it's time to take action.
Here are some steps you can take:
1. Reach out for support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member, a therapist, or a domestic violence hotline. They can help you understand your options and provide emotional support.
2. Make a safety plan: This involves creating a plan to keep yourself safe when you leave the relationship. It may involve finding a safe place to stay, changing your phone number, and alerting friends and family.
3. Seek legal assistance: A lawyer can help you obtain a restraining order or file for divorce, if necessary.
4. Cut off contact: If possible, cut off all contact with the abuser. This may mean blocking their number and social media accounts.
5. Focus on self-care: Take care of yourself during this difficult time. This may involve therapy, joining a support group, or practicing self-care activities such as exercise or meditation.
Remember that leaving an abusive relationship is not easy, but it is important for your safety and well-being. Seek help and take steps to protect yourself.
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